I am here and not there

I am here and not there
I am seen and not head
I am who am I
Can I be defined as my self and not the shadow of evilness
I am smile but I am crying within me
I am in love with my self
I can’t get over the past
The past is dragging me to the pond of death
I rather live then be a zombie
I rather be a human then be a slave
I kiss the death before it kisses me
I say “farewell my love, I have a life to live. Life is worth more then sorrow and miscarry.””