The errant boy and the Catholic School?

Until a child tells you what they are thinking, we can't even begin to imagine how their mind is working....

Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything...tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math. Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.

After the first day, little Zachary came homewith a very serious look on his face.
He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner. To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference. Finally, little Zachary brought home his report Card..

He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books.

With great trepidation, His Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an 'A' in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.. She went to his room and said, 'Son, what was it?

Was it the nuns? Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.. 'Well, then,' she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?'

Little Zachary looked at her and said, 'Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.'

Few modified Murphy's Laws

Some modifed Murphy's Laws from my inbox.

• Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
• To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
• The road to success??.. Is always under construction.
• Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
• In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
• All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening or married to someone else.
• Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
• Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.
• If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
• You can never determine which side of the bread to butter.
• If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.
• Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
• As soon as you mention something.. if it is good, it is taken.. If it is bad, it happens.
• He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.
• If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.
• Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
• When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
• If you have paper, you don't have a pen... If you have a pen, you don't have paper... if you have both, no one calls.
• If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.
• You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
• The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
• After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together ,and the bus which you get in will be more crowded than the other.
• If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
• Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker.

My latest web gadget

Yes, their are also web gadgets in the world of WWW, and my latest is twitter.

It's another form of soicial network, like facebook. The reason I joined it, because allot of my fellow bloggers joined and prasing about it, I just felt left out. It's kind of fun and adictive too, I use it via my mobile, and able to use it at work after 2 PM local timing GMT +4, luckly they haven't blocked it (but not for long).

My username is 'Shulab', incase you want to follow me; and I may be your follower.

George W Bush's farewell party

A simple gesture for George W. Bush’s farewell via shoes turned into a laughingstock. Enjoy.

1

No comment.

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Locked

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Memories

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Now it’s the property of….

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No comment.

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The memory

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The farewell kiss.

Care to hit Bush with a shoe game or visit mahjoob.com for more caricatures.

Qusai - Don Legend the Kamelion

Recently, my sister bought an Music CD of Qusai a Saudi Rapper aka Don Legend the Kamelion.

At first I felt odd listening to an Arab rapper, specially from the KSA; but he rocked with 'The Wedding' (Saudi Wedding rap song) by Qusai and Jeddah Legend, a mix of Arabic & English lyrics.

His website is DonLegend.com.

I hope you enjoy the music video.

Egg & Driving

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful ... CAREFUL!! Put in some more butter!! Oh my Gosh!! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!!

Turn them!! TURN THEM NOW!! We need more butter. Oh my Gosh!! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?!

they're going to STICK!! Careful ... CAREFUL!! be CAREFUL!! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!!

Turn them! HURRY UP!!

Are you CRAZY? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them.

You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!"

The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving". :)

SAMPLE OF A MODERN LOVE LETTER

Dearest Samantha,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 17th of August 2001.

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 17th of August 2001 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of no less than three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.

Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on you r expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation.

Yours sincerely, Max




MODERN REPLY TO MODERN LOVE LETTER

Dear Max,

Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for romance.

However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction. However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity should be generous.

I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment. If there is any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should receive monetary compensation according to union standards.

Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the 'VIP'. I shall be entertaining. In addition, housing and transport allowances should be in order and nothing less than a Jaguar is in order.

Please also note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions placed on myself. If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have sent indications of interest.

Please also note that my sister is happily employed.

Yours perhaps, Samantha!

STOP SENDIN ME STUPID CHAIN LETTERS!!!!!!!!

Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor fucking 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send his email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy Bunny in the magazine! What a bunch of fucking bullshit.

So basically, this message is a big **** YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Ceaser in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

**** them!

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly fucking amusing. I've seen all the 'send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a Nickel from some omniscient being forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.

THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

Chain Letter Type 1:

(scroll down)
Make a wish!!!

Keep Scrolling

No, really, go on and make one!!!

Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!

Wish something else!!!

Not that, you pervert!!

STOP!!!!

Wasn't that fun?

Hope you made a great wish

Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure.

It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:

*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.

*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

Chain Letter Type 2

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.

Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.

Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly.

Thanks again!!

Chain Letter Type 3

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do.

So this is how it works... Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

*Bizarre Horror Story #1

Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

*Bizarre Horror Story #2

Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity.

This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.

Chain Letter Type 4

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.

Send it to all your friends.

FRIENDS:

A friend is someone who is always at your side.

A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and your breath smells like you've been eating catfood.

A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat full of assholes.

A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself.

A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life. A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs.

A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English...no, sorry that's the cleaning lady.

A friend is NOT someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again!

The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?

How's that?

The wife was very unhappy with her car's performance and complained a lot all the time.

Knowing her birthday was coming up shortly, she said to her husband... 'Buy me a surprise for my birthday . Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!'

Happy and excited she was counting the days to her birthday.

And on the day she finally got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully bought.... 

  

 

Scroll Down......
 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

             
The poor guy is dead today, and his wife's in jail for murder!!!!!!

How Little Boys are Born...

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find
out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on
Yahoo. Then I set up a date ia e-mail with your Mom and we met at a
cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother
agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to
upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and
since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a
little Pop-Up appeared that said:
Scroll Down

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You got Male!

Don't die before you cancel your credit cards!!

Be sure & cancel credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, & so easy to see happening, Customer Service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, & Citibank billed her for February & March for their annual service charges on her credit card, & added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call
to Citibank.

Here's the exchange:

Family Member: "I am calling to tell you she died in January."

Citibank: "The account was never closed & the Late Fees and Charges still apply!!

Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."

Citibank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

Citibank: "Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"

Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
(I really liked this part!!!!)

Citibank: "Excuse Me?"

Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?"

Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor." (Duh!)
Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

Citibank: "The account was never closed, late fees & charges still apply."
(This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)

Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

Citibank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"

Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew."

Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Family Member: "Sure" (fax number is given)
After they get the fax:

Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."

Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."

Citibank: "Well, the late fees & charges do still apply." (What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"

Citibank: "That might help."

Family Member: " Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69."

Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on YOUR planet?
(Priceless!!) <<...>>

Kids

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialled the employees home

phone number and was greeted with a Child's' whisper. "Hello"
"Is your daddy home?" he asked

"Yes" whispered the small voice

"May I talk with him?"

"No"

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes"

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No"

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss Asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes, whispered the boy, "a policeman"

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to daddy and mommy and the fireman", came the answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter, through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What's that noise?"

"A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?!", demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed The helicopter."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?!!."

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle............

"ME".

Hospital

Anyone who has ever had a loved one in the hospital will enjoy this:

A woman called a local hospital. "Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients. I'd like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected, or getting worse."

The voice on the other end said, "What is the patient's name and room number?"

"Sarah Finkel, room 302."

I'll connect you with the nursing station."

"3rd floor Nursing Station. How can I help You?"

"I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302."

"Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and, if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at noon."

The woman said, "What a relief! Oh, that's fantastic .. that's wonderful news!"

The nurse said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family member or a very close friend!"

"Neither! I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Nobody here tells me a thing."